Am I still me, without you?
This stream of thoughts is dedicated and written to my dear friend; my soul-mother, but applies as well to my dad, my friends and the other people in my life that are dear to me.
One of the hardest lessons I will ever have to learn will be that without you, I am still me. But am I? I never want to have to learn that lesson the hard way through missing you, so I am trying to learn and understand the lesson ahead. The Universe keeps throwing a lesson at you over and over again if you haven't learned it yet. So in order for me never having to miss you, which is obviously inevitable (or not, if we believe in the afterlife or everlasting souls or reincarnation), I need to learn the lesson before it presents itself.
Now, the core of this lesson is adaptable to anyone. It could serve as some kind of rule or mantra to help people understand that the souls they have encountered do not "make" them, as if they would cease to exist when those very souls would depart when they themselves are still on this Earth. But is that how it works?
This idea came to mind when I was thinking about my own existence. I was thinking that my most anxious thought would be you leaving this world. And of course that would be because we would miss you for the beautiful person that you are, but in a deeper sense, it would be because I feel that you have "made" me. That does make sense as you are my soul mother, and the sole job of any kind of mother is to create life and enhance it, guide it. But then, if you would be gone, would I still be "me" or does a part of me also die when you do?
Maybe it is the other way around. When you die, a part of you relives in our physical beings instead of it dying with you. I think the latter could be true and therefore, whatever the outcome of death might be (afterlife speaking), you would never die as you would live on in the souls and bodies you have touched. I thought about all the people I care for, the ones that have a place in my heart, some big and some small, and how I am made up of those parts, would I still be me when all those people are gone? What if my very essence is the people I have touched and who have touched me?
And if there is some kind of afterlife, what would make it worthwhile? The fact that you can connect/interact with the ones you love for eternity? And if that's not possible, what is the point of an afterlife? The question comes back again; Am I still me, without you? I would certainly not be me if I have never met you. It does not scare me though, it sparks me to think about how all this would work in reality, outside of my head.
I imagined myself in a white room with nothing in it, just open white space, not even corners or doors or windows. In this room, I wouldn't be able to ever see or talk or interact with anyone ever again. I would be in this room forever. And I see myself in the middle, asking whether I am still me, without you.
If the afterlife is an eternity of blankness, with all the everlasting souls not being able to interact, but do connect as we are all one, does that mean that without the other, one is not whole? And I mean collectively speaking. If we are all part of one big organ, does the organ exist without its parts? Without all the cells making it the organ together? If so, then the question still remains; Am I still me, without you? Without anyone?
Well, if souls are energy and energy never dies and we are part of the Universe, then the Universe is kind of like the big organ, so we are not only part of the Universe, we are the Universe, then that solves the question because that would mean I am you and you are me and we are the Universe and therefore we can never die. And we would not need to interact or connect because we already are. We just need to connect with ourselves in order to find the others.
I am still me, without you because you are me and I am you.